Saturday, October 29, 2016

Trump Book Reports

I discovered #TrumpBookReports or #TrumpBookReport last week after joining Twitter, and found myself having a great time parodying his unique style. As Juvenal said, "Difficile est saturam non scribere. (It is difficult not to write satire)." Here are mine, so far. (Never fear, I have every intention of satirizing Hillary very soon, but her piece is more extensive and requires a bit more revision.)

Moby Dick...believe me, only I could catch. Nobody knows doomed campaigns more than me. Captain Ahab...very low energy.

It's illegal immigrants like Curious George that are committing crimes...terrible crimes! And we've gotta deport 'em.

The Iliad: I fought very, very hard to keep out of Trojan War. Terrible. My personal Vietnam. But the horse was my idea.

Little Bilbo and the loser dwarves. I like people who aren't captured by orcs. They made bad trade deals.

That Socrates was one weak dude. Never apologize for anything, if he was so smart he'd know that. What a disaster!

Nice people, but always living in a little house wherever they went. The prairie, the woods. Sad. Bad real estate deals.

Macbeth: weak. I could kill Duncan in the middle of Scotland and people would support me. I have a golf course there now.

Mimi was a lovely woman, it's so sad. She always said nice things about me. But her friends were no good.

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